Tuesday, December 27, 2016

My Horse Prince / UmaPri - Episode 1 The First Gallop - Thoughts & Review


Since I kept seeing a bunch of screencaps of it on my dash a couple weeks back, I decided to download this mobile app by Usaya called My Horse Prince (or "UmaPri" for short). I actually played this earlier this month but I couldn't believe what I had just subjected myself to, so here I am now ready to die lmao

Basically you've got this ditz who feels like she's leading such an unfulfilling life because she can't meet any hot men at the office she works at, which is full of middle aged men boohoo. Since her logic is totally impeccable, she decides to head to a ranch to meet hot guys because princes ride horses, so obvi she'll meet her prince at a ranch. Once at the ranch she seems disappointed there's just grass and sky (girl dafuq you expect), but then the ranch owner brings out his prized horse and she meets quite the... interesting prince...

HOO BOY LEMME TELL YOU RIGHT NOW THE EXPLANATIONS IN THIS GAME ARE THE BIGGEST PIECE OF BULLSHIT EVER.

The horse's name is apparently named Yuuma, and when he comes out there's sparkles everywhere. why MC is all "omg he's so hot" WHY and then quickly corrects herself that a horse with a human head is a monster. Thank The ranch owner is confused at your reaction and asks if you see the horse as a man. After you say yes, he spouts this shit:
So we are straight up dating an actual horse that is only perceived human-ish by MC. Hooray bestiality

I actually thought at first it was some alternate to a centaur, but he's 100% a horse which is makes it so much worst gawd a;lkd

And she's still attracted to him and has to snap herself out of it, why????

To advance to the next part, his Energy and Happiness level needs to both be at 100%. Energy is replenish through the carrot mini game and happiness by answering the correct love choice. When that's complete, you get a message that your bond has grown stronger why ;akdj. Also apparently Yuuma is gonna euthanized soon or something since no one's came forward to buy him, and MC feels just a tiny bit of sympathy towards him. (*>_>)

After this lame joke, there's suddenly loud running hooves. THEN YOU GET KABEDON'D BY THE HORSE AND ASKS FOR YOU TO BE HIS OWNER
And of course, you accept to be his owner, why me.

And now a preview of Episode 2:

Final Thoughts

I really have no words for this. Thank you UmaPri for officially killing all my brain cells. It was an interesting experience I suppose??? Idk, I'd say this is the weirdest of any of the "date the animal" games I've seen.

I get there's the whole novelty of dating animals, ie. pigeons in Hatoful Boyfriend (and dating a gorilla is a thing too apparently????). On top of being cracky, it can be comical at times based on what I've seen previewing other parts of the game. So if you want a nonsensical comedy, this is the free otome for you. However, I uninstalled after the first ep because I'm not sure I can take much more of this ridiculousness. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ also because I value my friendships lol (see below)

The interfacing is pretty straightforward, but all the ads every other second were pretty annoying. However, some ads were useful. If you chose a really bad answer for the love choice, you could watch an ad to undo the choice. Since you need to do multiple Talk Sessions to raise happiness, you could watch an ad to bypass some of the waiting time. Or you could pay $0.99 to get rid of all ads but wow I don't want to throw any sort of money towards this crap lmao ┌（┌ ^o^）┐

Everyone in the chat severely judged me, and my best friend didn't talk to me for 2 days straight HHAHA Watch out kiddos this game ruins friendships pff

To anyone who plays this, y'all need Jesus.


Peace out

P.S. Here are some great reactions to the game.
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